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Sunday, October 11, 2015

100 NONSENSICAL QUESTIONS (WEEK ELEVEN) ~ because I’m just too busy to blog something serious!

Question #11: 

Pie OR Cake? 

This week’s argument comes from
An Amazon Top 500 Reviewer  ~ Guest Blogger

Welcome to the blog, Douglas!

The argument:

OK, this is just evil anyway.  I write book reviews but this subject needed to have a professional examine it. Pie or cake?  Who does NOT love both but let us take a closer look at each.  Things are not as they might appear.

PIE:  Let me see what Mr. Webster has to say about this … “A baked dish of fruit, or meat and vegetables”.  FAIL!  Anyone who thinks about meat and veggies when I say PIE, leave the room now, you are what is wrong with the human race.

Now that we are rid of “those” people, any of you that think of pizza when I say PIE, you can also leave, that is wrong on SO many levels I cannot even discuss it (I don’t CARE if it is grammatically correct, WTF says “I am going for a pizza pie”?)  Leave the room, NOW!
Pie is and always should be something horribly fattening, lusciously creamy (yes we will still leave cheesecake in this conversation) and in addition to the filling, it much be topped with something delicious (meringue being questionable but acceptable).

Pie does have an advantage over its fluffier cousin in that it generally is very good all by itself and adding something does not really help (OK, hot apple pie and ice cream being a notable exception), I am ignoring you cherry/blueberry cheesecake zealots, if you made the damn cheesecake right, you don’t need the other crap and WTF do they call it “cake” when you make it in a pie pan???  The world is full of stupid people!

Ok, where was I? Oh, yeah,

CAKE:  Mr. Webster again, says this “an item of soft, sweet food made from a mixture of flour, shortening, eggs, sugar, and other ingredients, baked and often decorated.” No that does not sound even a wee bit disgusting.  There must be hundreds (thousands?) of varieties of cake, you go into a store you might see 5 types of pie mix (or less) next to enough cake mix to send you into a sugar coma for the rest of your shortened life.  I am married and She Who Must Be Obeyed likes to make and cook cake but she  buys her pies, not sure why, must be a good reason, I am too cowardly to ask for fear I might get cut off (cake you perverts, she might not make more cake!)

The other thing here is almost any type of cake is good with ice cream or whipped cream in many cases so does that mean cake is lacking in taste even in its most pure form?  Has there ever been a chocolate cake that was not aided by the addition of ice cream to the plate?
Another place where cake falls short is that pie can be made and cooked in the same dish you serve it in, not so with cake, it has to cool, be removed from its cooking vessel and smeared with frosting before you can even think about eating it. 

They have freakin’ CLASSES around here on how to make cake, WTF???  The directions are ON  THE  BOX, how hard can it be? They don’t send people out to learn how to make PIE!!
The thing is that you can find almost any type of cake you can think of and somebody likes it (having a carrot cake with actual carrots in it makes me want to hurl but there are those mindless psychopaths that think it is required) so to keep this from being novella length I think it is clear that even though in the battle of endless variety cake seems to pull ahead, the clear winner in a head to head battle will always be PIE! (and we shall hope that She Who Must Be Obeyed never sees this page).  PIE lovers unite!

Disclaimer:  Any inference that makes it look like there is bias against cake is denied and if pressed under oath the cakes that She Who Must Be Obeyed will always be better than anything else ….PERIOD!  Any assertion otherwise will be denied for my own safety!  (I would have made a frigging PIE chart but somebody would have yelled bias and they don’t make any CAKE charts.)

From Tessa Dawn:
And the winner is…  Pie!
Thank you for this guest post, Douglas. I’m not entirely sure who won the argument (pie, according to your heart; cake, in deference to your wife). LOL

Readers: Be sure to register your vote or post your own nonsensical questions or suggestions in the comments below. Who knows? I might just run with it. J And if you would like to see your own nonsensical guest blog on this page, please follow the instructions on the link below:

I would love to hear from you!  

And now, it's time to return to my day job: writing Dark Fantasy Fiction & Gothic Romance!

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  1. I'm all about the Pie!!! Cake is alright, Pie is amazing :)

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